Week 1: Shadow Work


July, 8, 2021

Lately I have been trying to engage in some shadow work, a Jungian concept of exposing your ego to the unconscious parts of your personality. One volatile aspect of my personality I want to work on is my wide ranging level of self confidence because it is so painful for me when it swings from high to low.

For example, one of my earliest childhood memories is when I lucked into playing on an undefeated little league baseball team for almost two seasons. That experience sent my self confidence through the roof even though my role on the team was to play right field off the bench. In the 2nd season we lost one game, and that one loss shook me. Not only did I lose out on a pizza party for a 20 game win streak, I had attached my personality so strongly to that win streak that I cried the whole ride home. My mom tried to console me by telling me it was just a game but that just made me realize my mom was not a competitive person.

Somehow, I got out of bed the next day and went to school and saw that no one at recess cared about that win streak and that felt so freeing. I needed that one loss, and I'm frightened at what would have become of me had we not earned it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Week 7: Persona/Self, Jungian Archetypes Part 3

Image
 About three weeks into doing this shadow work exercise, I started having more and more lucid dreams. There have been a couple of dreams with my mom watching my progress with cautious optimism and offering an encouraging hug. Before her passing, I opened up to her about the civil war brewing within my consciousness. She advised me to be cautious when dealing with my own shadow, just as she did when I was a child. Concerned by my aggressive tone, she advised me, “Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.” Which, I'm ashamed to admit, made me laugh, at first. I honestly don't know how that ever became of a figure of speech. The sad thing is, it's been one hell of a procedure, applying this to my persona, but it is fitting imagery. What would I be without the persona I'd worn since birth. Is it even possible to remove yourself from the mask placed onto you as a child? I think this is why I was so keen to become a performer. Since I felt like I could never take that ...
Read more

Episode IV: Avoiding Darth

Image
July 24th of last year was the last time I saw my mom. She hosted a pioneer day party at her house and all four of her kids were there, it was a fitting farewell party and theme for a women who loved researching her pioneer heritage. It has been a long year of healing and reflection. I've starting blogging to document that healing process. This entry gets to the meat of why I choose to share. I never thought the story of Anakin Skywalker would open the door for me to learn new tools to assist me in processing my own mother's passing. My infatuation with acting took me deep into the art of the myth. This is how I connected with my mother as we would share our favorite stories to one another throughout our lives, including Star Wars.  I didn't like the fact that I could see myself in Anakin, a boy destined to bring balance to the force, only to fail miserably because of his inability to control his own emotions. I remember watching Anakin loose his mind as he learned of his m...
Read more