Episode IV: Avoiding Darth

July 24th of last year was the last time I saw my mom. She hosted a pioneer day party at her house and all four of her kids were there, it was a fitting farewell party and theme for a women who loved researching her pioneer heritage.

It has been a long year of healing and reflection. I've starting blogging to document that healing process. This entry gets to the meat of why I choose to share.

I never thought the story of Anakin Skywalker would open the door for me to learn new tools to assist me in processing my own mother's passing.

My infatuation with acting took me deep into the art of the myth. This is how I connected with my mother as we would share our favorite stories to one another throughout our lives, including Star Wars. 

I didn't like the fact that I could see myself in Anakin, a boy destined to bring balance to the force, only to fail miserably because of his inability to control his own emotions. I remember watching Anakin loose his mind as he learned of his mother's death to some heartless marauders, and I remember thinking, that would be so sad, as I grabbed another handful of popcorn.

Throughout my life I would watch friends and loved ones process the loss of parents. I never knew what to say in those moments. I was always taught that we would all reunite one day so death was just a trial separation, but that was my belief. As I observed from a distance those actually going through that special brand of pain, I realized it wasn't such a simple chasm to remedy

.

As a friend you always whish there was something you could do to take some of the hurt away. Often my naivety would  only make things worse as I failed to see things through their perspective. And maybe that's why stories exist, mythology is a tool we use to construct within us a foreign perspective of universal experiences, sometimes set in galaxies far far away. I think we need that separation, until we are ready to confront that tragedy in our own lives.

When my mother died, the myth became real for me, and I lost control. I found myself grossly unprepared to process the grief despite all the myths spoon fed to me all my life. Why were the stories not working in me? I thought it would somehow be automatic. I had spent my whole life watching other people and characters go through exactly this scenario. So why then could I not defeat my own darkness? This is what ultimately led me to this shadow work. If I was to avoid becoming my own Darth Vader, my own shadow, perhaps I could turn 

to where George Lucas turned, as well as so many other masters of myths. 

Carl Jung and Joseph Campbell are two sources of profound inspiration on George Lucas's life work. Campbell's life work was compiling mythologies from cultures throughout the world and throughout history.

It turns out, this Darth Vader story really is from a long long time ago, dusted off, and repackaged for modern consumption, and Carl Jung's shadow work, has given me more tools to claw my way back from the abys. It's been another path for me to tap into the human condition by mimicking those who have gone before, who have left their stories and myths behind like maps to a buried treasure. And I feel inspired by them to share my progress with you, my village, the people who have impacted my life in various ways. I think a year locked away at home has proven the importance of community and staying connected.

We can not survive as outcasts within our own communities, I have always felt a strong desire to build and repair communities, and perhaps my real goal in all of this is to help me build the tools to assist in the work of building stronger and healthier communities. The kind of communities that can process the issues that lurk within the shadows. Shadow work is not just an individual endeavor, it is communal.